Alternate Nursery Rhyme

Thanks to Earl Metcalf (my Dad and rockin' musician) for submitting this idea to the DMT! Thanks for teaching me how to rock Dad!

Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe in the middle of the night
And he called for his fiddlers three.
And those fiddlers started jamming on this really rockin' groove. And then Old King Cole got really into that cool fiddle groove so he called for a bass player and the bass player started layin' down a really funky bass line and Old King Cole was like, "Yeah, that's really nice bro!". And then Old King Cole called for this really cool cat drummer who started putting some nifty beats on the fiddle/bass groove and then Old King Cole called for a trumpet player and a organist and a guitar player and they all started jamming and were rockin' Old King Cole's castle. And then Old King Cole took a 10 minute extended pipe solo and was just tearin' it up with the most amazing pipe licks you've ever heard.

But then somebody in the castle next door called the cops on Old King Cole's midnight jam session and they thought they would have to stop playing. But it turned out that the cop was like the most rad harmonica player in the whole kingdom so he just joined right in and they cranked up the volume all the way to 11 and kept rockin' all night long!

Alternate Nursery Rhymes 2

Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
Which angered the mouse greatly. The mouse then whipped out a bazooka and proceeded to blow away the clock's gears and chiming mechanisms until all that was left was a smoking pile of wood.

Hot cross buns!
Hot cross buns!
One a penny, two a penny,
And the only way that delicious hot cross buns could be sold 2 for a penny is if the Hot Cross Buns Company has a monopoly, which is a clear violation of Federal Anti-Trust laws.

It's raining, it's pouring;
The old man is snoring.
Bumped his head
And he went to bed
Which was very poor judgment on his part because he slipped into a coma due to his head injury. He wasn't discovered until 3 days later when his worried daughter came by the house because no one had heard from him in a while and he wasn't answering his phone. Now the old man is on life support at St. Mark's and his kids can't decide whether or not to pull the plug.

Alternate Nursery Rhymes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Humpty Dumpty should have listened to his doctor and taken that prescription for his inner ear problem.

This little piggy went to market, This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef, This little piggy had none.

And this little piggy participated in a hostile corporate takeover of a large media conglomerate and made millions of dollars, but never made time for his family, so his relationship with his wife and kids is strained at best.

The Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the water spout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the Itsy Bitsy spider sued the sun for defamation of character, lost wages, and mental anguish. The sun settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.