Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Pick a New Holiday!

Ok everybody, if you could choose one of these new holidays, which one would it be?

1. Enviro Day- Al Gore finally convinces the federal government into giving everyone a day off with pay so that "every person in the country can take a day to clean up their personal environment". The concept is that if everyone cleans their own space, then we can have a huge impact on the "carbon footprint" of the country. The irony is that since Enviro Day is the 1st Friday of every June, most people take the long weekend and either travel, or barbecue, or throw a party and not plant a tree or pick up litter or any of the other stuff the day is designed for and in fact will create more trash and pollution than if the day didn't exist at all.

2. Force Day- After enough people write in "Other: Jedi "as their official religion on the most recent national census, the government makes July 30th Force Day. Everyone gets the day off with pay and wears traditional Jedi/Sith robes (the makers of the Snuggie get involved and make a super comfortable Jedi blanket/robe) and talk like Yoda and watch Star Wars.

3. Recovery Day- American companies, realizing that efficiency and attendance are way, way down the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday, lobby the government just to make it a national holiday for tax reasons. Everyone gets that Monday off with pay to recover from their big party the night before. And if you live in the city of the winning team you get an extra paid day off (whether you follow football or not). Also, if you can get notarized proof that you have been a fan of the winning team for at least 5 years, but just don't live in that city, you can also get a 2nd paid day off.

4. Samtsirhc- This is reverse Christmas. It happens when Christmas is exactly 6 months away and everything is 100% opposite from Christmas. Instead of bringing a tree into your house, you take a piece of furniture out on your lawn, but don't decorate it. You have to be mean to others if you want any gifts. And you don't buy presents for other people, you buy them for yourself. The folk lore is that a very skinny beardless black woman, wearing an all blue jumpsuit, pulls a sleigh full of reindeer around the world, but not through the air, she pulls the sleigh underwater. Then she comes up through your drains and takes junk you leave by your bathtub away with her. Everyone gets the day off with pay. You are not allowed to go to any family member's house.

1 comment:

  1. That is some very funny stuff.I vote for Enviro-day.. Al Gore is dumb!!!-- Dad