Can't Beat'em? Join'em!

There was a time, not too long in our past, when people could just say whatever they wanted to because this is America. And while we still legally and technically have free speech, Political Correctness has made everyday conversation a minefield. You never know what phrase might offend what person. And while there certainly are inappropriate words, phrases, and topics of conversation in general, the whole PC thing has gotten out of hand. And since Political Correctness appears to be more than just a passing fad, I have decided to take an "If you can't beat'em, join'em" approach to the subject. From now on, I will personally be greatly offended by the following...

1. I will somehow find the phrase "go with the flow" religiously offensive.
2. I will find a way to make the word "fructose" have something to do with being a racial slur.
3. I will be outraged by any and all references to the number 367.
4. If you blink more than 26 times while engaging me in conversation, I will take that as a personal and intentional attack on my Irish/Italian/German heritage.
5. I will accuse you of sexism if you ever say the word "crunchy".
6. It will be an unforgivable insult to refer to me as "inquisitive".