[Assuming people send their dilemmas (real or made-up) to firstname.lastname@example.org, the Mafia Advice Column will be featured on the DMT every Tuesday.]
Joey Blambino holds a degree from the School of Hard Knocks, is a member of the PTA at his daughter's school, and is an all around wiseguy. Joey's years as a respected mob enforcer have given him a unique perspective on life. In his column, Joey shares his one-of-a-kind advice on everything from raising children to financial strategy to breaking kneecaps.
Just recently, there was a lightning strike at my house. The lightning strike fried my Xbox and I don't when or if I can get it replaced. What should I do?
My kid nephew got one of them Xbox video games machines for his birthdays last summer. Three weeks he had it and it went dead on him on account of him spilling soda all over it. Seein’ as how it was his fault and all, those jerks over at Microsoft wouldn’t replace it for him. So I’m gonna tell you what I told him, so listen up.
Go down to pier 19 and find this mook called Freddy the Fish. This guy’s got a truck full of stolen electronics that he needs to move. Tell him I sent you and he’ll give you anything you ask for.
Legal Copy: All advice given in the Mafia Advice Column is for entertainment purposes only. Do not actually do what Joey says or you'll probably go to jail.