Mafia Advice Column with Joey Blambino

[Assuming people send their dilemmas (real or made-up) to joeyblambino@gmail.com, the Mafia Advice Column will be featured on the DMT every Tuesday.]

Dear Joey,

A young attorney lives next door to Granny who has 3 big dogs in the yard which constantly leave poo droppings everywhere and on a hot summer day, the stench is hardly bearable. We've asked him repeatedly to correct the problem, with no results. How should we handle it?

Aroma Monitor

AM,
Heyyyyyeee! Poo droppings?!? Who does dis guy think he is over there? Let me tell you what would happen if this punk lived next door to me. You gots to keep in mind there are certain proper channels you gots to go through here.

First, take your favorite baseball bat over to Mr. Stinker's house in the middle of the night and politely kick his door in. Second, start smashing up the place. Thirds, after the bozo stumbles out of his bedroom, knock him once in the head to get his attention. Then drag the idiot out back where his beloved pooches have been leavin' their piles-o-poo. Find you a nice big pile and then do like they tell you in obedience school: rub his nose in it.

Joey

Legal Copy: All advice given in the Mafia Advice Column is for entertainment purposes only. Do not actually do what Joey says or you'll probably go to jail.