Friday, July 3, 2009

Alternate Nursery Rhymes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Humpty Dumpty should have listened to his doctor and taken that prescription for his inner ear problem.

This little piggy went to market, This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef, This little piggy had none.

And this little piggy participated in a hostile corporate takeover of a large media conglomerate and made millions of dollars, but never made time for his family, so his relationship with his wife and kids is strained at best.

The Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the water spout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the Itsy Bitsy spider sued the sun for defamation of character, lost wages, and mental anguish. The sun settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

1 comment:

  1. And what's the deal with Jack and Jill?

    Jack fell down and broke his crown. What? Was he a king or prince of some sort? If so, why would he and this young lady be fetching their own water? Was it a crown for a tooth? Had Jack recently undergone extensive and expensive dental work?

    And shouldn't Jill have seen Jack fall and then have the presence of mind to be more careful. She could have offered some help to poor Jack. She also could have held onto her pail of water so they didnt return to the village empty handed. I mean what is the point? You have two people going up to fetch a pail of water. You end up with two people either with massive head wounds, or damaged expensive property, and no water to show for it.

    That just ain't right.