Saturday, July 25, 2009

Imaginary Individuals Inc.

Today's Bonus Saturday post was featured when I guest posted on the My Older Brothers blog. Enjoy!

: Let this meeting of the Imaginary Individuals Inc. Board of Directors be called to order. Easter Bunny, please read the minutes from our last meeting.
Easter Bunny: At the last meeting we settled the issues of employee vacation allotment (no more than 2 consecutive weeks per calendar year) as well as Santa's elves' union problem. We tabled the issue of the Tooth Fairy's expense reports until this meeting.
Santa: Thank you Easter Bunny. Before we proceed to new business, let's get this expense report issue settled shall we? Tooth Fairy, could you please summarize your position for the record?
Tooth Fairy: My point is that, due to inflation and the state of the economy, I don't think that I should have to pay for each tooth completely out of my own pocket. I think that the cost per tooth should be shared between me and I.I. Inc. Corporate.
Santa: Thank you, Tooth Fairy. Let's open this issue for discussion. Agreements? Oppositions?
Big Foot: Personally, I think that it's just the cost of doing business. I don't see any reason why the rest of our profits should suffer to help the Tooth Fairy. I've lived off the land in the forest for years and I've never asked for a hand out.
Tooth Fairy: First of all, Big Foot, I've been to your “forest home” and I wouldn't call your underground, state-of-the-art mansion “living off the land”. Second, when you consider that the cost per tooth can range from a quarter to $10,000 for some of these rich kids, it's about more than just my paycheck here. It's about a pillar of this institution being in a fatal downward spiral.
Boogie Man: I agree with Big Foot. It's been a while since my division was in the black and it would put a pretty heavy strain on our budget to have to divert part of our funds to help the Tooth Fairy. Tooth Fairy, we go way back, so please don't take it personally. This is purely a business decision.
Frosty the Snowman: How about some sort of compromise? Here's what I suggest: the Tooth Fairy will pay, from his own division's budget, for 100% of all teeth up to $5.00 per tooth. For every tooth exceeding $5.00, I.I. Inc. corporate will share the cost with the Tooth Fairy use a sliding scale. Also, for special cases in which a tooth exceeds $2,000, I.I. Inc. corporate will pay for 80%. Does that work for everybody?
Tooth Fairy: I think it's a start, but…
Big Foot: A start!?! What more do you want?
Tooth Fairy: What about playground fights, car wrecks, and/or other instances in which a kids loses multiple teeth? Those aren't addressed in Frosty’s plan. I think…
Santa: Gentlemen, I've got a 2 o'clock tee time at Pebble Beach today, so we're going to have to wrap this up. Let's tentatively proceed with Frosty’s compromise and we'll work out the details via email. Meeting dismissed.

1 comment:

  1. wait a minute, here!! why is the tooth fairy giving all this dough to kids whose teeth are going to grow back anyway? I think the cash should be going to the adults who are losing teeth.... Earl Metcalf