Friday, July 24, 2009

Hank Maximum: Flying Kung Fu Chop

As she spoke, three very large men with assault rifles burst into the room. Thinking quickly, Hank attacked the first guard with a flying kung fu chop. As Hank's chop connected with the guard's face, blood blossomed from the guard's nose. The guard dropped his rifle and fell backwards. The other two guards, however, both took aim at Hank and fired. Just as they pulled their triggers, Hank dropped and rolled to the side, grabbing the first guard's assault rifle. As Hank surfaced from his roll, he opened fire with the assault rifle. BHRAKKA! BHRAKKA! BHRAKKA! BHRAKKA! The two guards fell to the floor, dead.

Hank took a quick survey of the room. Two of the guards were dead, the third just regaining consciousness. Hank looked behind him and saw the receptionist lying in a pool of blood and paper clips. She had been hit when the guards opened fire on Hank. What a shame, Hank thought.

Hank walked over to the groaning guard, jerked him to his feet, and spun him around. Hank shoved the end of his assault rifle into the guard's back and said, "You're going to take me to Stavich or you'll end up like your buddies on the floor." Hank marched the still dazed guard through the doors that the guards had entered from. It lead down a long hallway with a set of double doors at the end. As they approached the double doors, Hank noticed that they were locked with a retina eye scanner. Hank stopped and said to the guard, "Unlock the eye scanner."

The guard spat blood on the floor. "I will not help you!" he said with a sneer. Hank cracked the butt of his assault rifle against the back of the guard's head, dropping him to his knees.

Hank reached down and grabbed the guard by the hair. "You've got a choice. We can either do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is you do what I tell you and unlock the eye scanner. You don't want to know what the hard way is. What'll it be?"

The guard, still glaring at Hank, stood up and slowly made his way to the eye scanner. He leaned forward and allowed the laser to scan his eyes. The doors made a cathunk sound as they unlocked. Hank pushed the guard through and then followed behind him. As they walked into the main storage area of the warehouse, Hank was shocked to see thousands of boxes. Row after row after row of crates. Hank looked down into an open crate. It was filled with...

1. Cans of Beans
2. Knives
3. Teddy Bears

1 comment: