Thursday, July 23, 2009

Why Did the Chicken Really Cross the Road?

The idea behind today's post came from DMT fan Logan Dawson. He's a cool dude. Ladies, here's his number: 281-686-3799.

It is a question for the ages: Why did the chicken cross the road? The most common answer is "to get to the other side". However, I argue that there are other far more interesting reasons why the chicken crossed the road. Reasons that may shock you...

1. The chicken was in the CWPP (Chicken Witness Protection Program) and was being relocated to across "the road" for its own protection from the notorious gangster Johnny "The Hog" Paroni.

2. After witnessing the death of his friend Clucky, the chicken was experiencing a mid-life existential melt down and was in fact searching for himself on the other side of "the road".

3. The chicken was looking for land on which to start his own farm on which he could raise humans.

4. The chicken was an alien life form from the plant Zilbar 9 and was trying to find the best place to begin the invasion of Earth by the Zilbarians.

5. The chicken did not cross the road. Rather, the chicken stood in the same place the whole time and the road passed under the chicken, thus making it appear as if the chicken crossed the road.


  1. 6. The chicken saw The Great Gonzo coming her way. "That guy comes on a little too strong sometimes. And he is freaky looking. Seriously, what is up with that nose?"

  2. He crossed "the road"--which road is important! He probably crossed the busiest road you can think of in the U.S. just to prove he could do IT! which got everybody to asking "why did the chicken cross "the road"! that's what they say at the barnyard, anyway