Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Super Online Dater Extra Plus Deluxe Platinum Edition 2.0

Tired of trying the same old Internet dating options? Sick of being promised "compatibility" by dating websites that only match you a few superficial traits? Well you're in luck. With Super Online Dater Extra Plus Deluxe Platinum Edition 2.0, we match you on our custom, guaranteed "67 Levels of Perfect Pairing". To find that special someone, all you have to do is rate, on a scale of 1 to 67, how important the following things are to you.

1. Personality

2. Physical Appearance

3. Religion

4. Economic Background

5. Sense of Humor

6. Personal Hygiene

7. Pet Preferences

8. Laundry Habits

9. "Neat Freak"-ness

10. Intellectual Similarity

11. Taste in Music

12. Taste in Movies

13. Taste in Literature

14. Culinary Preferences

15. Anger Issues

16. Ninja Skills

17. Computer Programming Abilities

18. Neck Size Preferences

19. Psychic Abilities

20. Time Travel Proficiency

21. Aversion to Weird Smells

22. Smooth Dance Moves

23. Hair Spray Usage (Men and Women)

24. Ability to Color and Stay Inside the Lines

25. Fire Arm Skills

26. Toilet Repair Proficiency

27. Typing (Words per Minute)

28. Fluency in Pig Latin

29. Glandular Problems

30. Sleep Walking

31. Sports Team Affiliations

32. Poker Skills

33. Hand to Hand Combat Abilities

34. Tax Evasion Methods

35. Video Game Skills

36. Chess Team Performance Record

37. Memorization Skills

38. Cheese

39. TV Theme Song Lyric Recitation

40. Political Views

41. Belief in Extra-Terrestrial Aliens

42. Fake Passport Making

43. Ability to Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time

44. Hypnosis Skills

45. Color Blindness

46. Basket Weaving Proficiency

47. Proper Use of "Who" vs. "Whom"

48. Dodgeball Skills

49. Certified SCUBA Instructor

50. Total Number of Nobel Prizes Awarded

51. Candle Preferences (Scented vs. Unscented)

52. Jealousy Issues

53. Well Traveled

54. Board Game Skills

55. Knowledge of Super Hero Secret Identities

56. Level of Voice Pitch

57. Obnoxious Friends

58. Outdoors Activities Preferences

59. Magical Powers

60. Bull Riding Skills

61. Astronaut

62. Good Business Ethics

63. Possession of Night Vision Goggles

64. Paper-Rock-Scissors Proficiency

65. Big Teeth

66. Duck Call Abilities

67. Total Number of Times Tasered (Includes Accidental Self Tasering)

And, if you don't find the love of your life using our system, we'll give you a 5% refund!

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